All you need

Our spare room is filled with a few small mountains of baby clothes.  And other baby stuff.  Swaddling cloths, a moses basket, a playgym, a year's worth of clothing, and knitwear that, unfortunately, was never modelled.  Having promised to lend "all you'll need for the first year" to a friend, I spent a good part of the weekend sorting through it, ditching never-worn or worn-out clothing, trying to find missing pairs to about 30 pairs of booties, and feeling nostalgic (only a little) for those early newborn days when, provided there were no poo explosions, Milkbaby could stay in the same onesie for a good 24 hours.  Hey, it was winter - why change his clothes for no good reason?

It got me thinking though - what does a baby really need?  The answer?  Not much.  Not much at all.  Though consult any baby store and they'll have you believing otherwise.  In no time you'll have spent a small fortune on clothing and other "necessities", a pram that was more expensive than your first car (but it fits so well in the impractically sporty car you currently drive!), and a carseat so big you need to get rid of your impractically small vehicle.  I just think how lucky we are to have escaped with purchasing just the pram and the carseat - the mountains of beautiful clothes were hand-me-downs from my talented quilting cousin (who, incidentally, is giving away some beautiful fabric on her blog at the mo).

Then there are the toys.  Upon announcing your pregnancy, you'll find you start accumulating soft toys.  I could probably pull together an audience of at least 20 softies in our household, of various shapes and sizes.  Despite diligently scattering these around, Milkbaby ignores them unless they are animated by an adult speaking in a silly voice and shoving them in his face.

I recently came across this list of ridiculous parenting products.  These top the list of things that a baby really doesn't need.  My favourites:

• the bathroom baby harness: need to pee in that public toilet but don't want to put your baby down on the dirty floor? Whip out your bathroom baby harness and hang baby over the door - right next to your handbag.  Just don't forget to collect him on the way out.
• The Snozzie: a handkerchief that's also a bracelet.  So handy for collecting those wayward boogers when you don't have a tissue.  Not a good idea to put it back on your wrist once you've used it though.
• And when you just can't get those baby boogers, you could try a Battery Operated Nasal Aspirator - as if having a giant tissue shoved in your face wasn't scary enough.

Rock that skull print: www.bebabean.com

And on my list?:

• the Pee-pee Teepee: for the sprinkling wee wee (in 24 exciting prints!).  Sorry but if nappy changes are so slow you've got time to faff about in your nappy bag finding a little hat for your baby boy's privates, no wonder you're getting peed on.
• a pair of safer sleeper triangle pillows, so that you can prop baby on their side to sleep.  Probably a SIDS risk - and what's wrong with a rolled hand towel anyway? 
• breast shells - "to collect excess milk" - not only do they make your boobs look weird, but once they're full (and in my case this took about 15 minutes) the milk starts leaking out the top, meaning you have a lake-sized puddle of milk down your front to contend with.

What's on your list of useless parenting products?