How to be a yummy mummy

As I put the finishing touches on my outfit to go out a few weeks ago, I thought, "yes, I could pass for a yummy mummy".  Then I thought, "wait, why do I aspire to yummy-mummyness?"  Dumb question you're thinking - but isn't it like aspiring to be a slapper?  Depends on your definition of yummy mummy.  There are seven official definitions of "yummy mummy" in Urban Dictionary.  To summarise:

To be a "yummy mummy" you must be:

·        young (generally under 30) - if you're over 30 and aspire to the characteristics below you're probably a MILF (we'll come to MILFs in a moment)

·        sexually attractive (the definitions do not specify to whom)

·        interested in looking good ("Yummy mummies usually wear trendy clothes, have great hairstyles and always look fabulous." and "Yummy mummies disguise bleary eyes with Gucci sunglasses and recommend pregnancy to female friends as a fabulous way to detox.")

·        overall just a lovely person ("A yummy mummy does not judge other mothers, but shows kindness, compassion and cares for others.")

And my personal favourite:

"A 'Yummy Mummy' is basically a MILF, but the term yummy mummy is vastly used by male geeks and female fatties."

That brings us to the term MILF (do NOT google this term at work).  I'll leave it to you to find it on Urban Dictionary if you haven't heard of it.  MILF.  It even sounds a bit creepy, like a speech impediment.  And describing someone as one - sorry to point this out but hasn't someone already done that?

I am reading Jonathan Franzen's "Freedom" at the moment - his take on MILFs made me smile:

"Joey directed a smile of pure oppression at the ceiling.  There had always been something not quite right about his interactions with Carol.  She was what the prep-school boys on his hall and the fraternity brothers ... were wont to call a MILF (an acronym that, in Joey's opinion, sounded faintly cretinous for its omission of the T for "to")."

You get the picture straight away right?  I picture someone like Petal, played by Cate Blanchett in The Shipping News. 

It is telling, I think, that the Urban Dictionary contains only one (unintelligible) definition of "supermom" and no definition of "supermum" (though "supermurgatroid" is in there).  I think I'd rather be a supermum than a yummy mummy or a MILF.  My definition of supermum is as follows:

A “supermum”:

·        is usually showered and dressed by lunchtime

·        may or may not be able to whip up a batch of peanut-butter cookies while her LO is sleeping

·        aspires to do at least one load of washing in a day, but doesn't beat herself up if that doesn't happen

·        feels great about motherhood, most of the time

·        is not afraid to get down on the carpet and PLAY, even if the vacuuming hasn’t been done in a while

·        is someone you'd describe as supermurgatroid.

Now this is a label I aspire to.  I'll be entering it into the Urban Dictionary as soon as I've had a shower and whipped up a batch of peanut butter cookies.