That most controversial of topics.... ahem, breastfeeding

It seems that there's not a week that goes by when breastfeeding is not in the news.  This week a study in Britain has "cast doubt on the safety of the exclusive breastfeeding of babies until they are six months old", and Facebook earned the wrath of breastfeeders worldwide when it removed, then reinstated, then removed again, then reinstated again, breastfeeding support page The Leaky Boob.  (You can listen to a very good interview with The Leaky Boob founder and others here).


These two stories reminded me to post a few reflections on that most controversial of topics - breastfeeding.  In my experience, most people, both male and female, will have an opinion on breastfeeding - whether you should, where you should, how you should, for how long, schedule or demand, in public or private... the list goes on.

I've had my share of well-meaning opinions directed at me.  I find it fascinating that something so natural can provoke such depth of feeling - and make so many people uncomfortable.  In fact it makes my father-in-law so uncomfortable he has to leave the room if there's any suggestion that I might be about to breastfeed.  Thankfully, my boobs have never had the same effect on any of the men I've breastfed next to on plane flights (and somehow I do always seem to be seated next to middle-aged men) - none of whom have batted an eyelid (or even given a sideways glance) at said boobs.  Nary an uncomfortable wriggle.

Then there's the clear difference between generations - the most common differences arising around:

• when and how to wean (according to my Nana, sooner is better - "they've had a good start")
• schedule vs demand feeding (again according to Nana, the baby should be taught to take what it needs at one feed, in three hourly intervals)

I have learnt to smile and nod at the opinion-givers, while mentally crossing them off my list of people not to breastfeed in front of (father-in-law: never; nana: not after baby is a year old; friend X: not after baby is walking).  Breastfeeding's not for everyone, but like Brazil's breastfeeding ad - those in Facebook's halls of power should take a long look at it before deciding it's obscene.

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Sleepy New Year

How did you celebrate your new year?

Ours was a subdued affair - a few mediocre DVDs with the fam, waiting for midnight to roll around.  Yet another reminder of the way our life has changed, at least in the short term.  Not that we were huge party animals before baby, but I did wonder what had happened to my old self when I found myself looking at the clock through half closed eyes, and groaning upon the realisation that I still had to last another 20 minutes before midnight.  At five to midnight I managed to drag myself into the bathroom to brush my teeth, in preparation for bed (and a midnight kiss).

Oh well, perhaps next year will be more of a convivial affair.

Can I hold your baby?

The question is, does the baby want to be held by you?

Everyone wants to hold babies.  They're so snuggly, they smell delicious, and their skin is so soft.

But this motherhood caper has given me a new perspective on when, whether and how you should ask to hold someone's baby.  I've had the full range, and there are a few that stand out:

• not being asked at all and having baby grabbed from behind off my lap (how would you like it if I grabbed you from behind, hmm?)
• being asked when baby was obviously just about asleep on mumma's shoulder
• while trying to comfort an overwrought baby (the Christmas carols were too much) an old work colleague asked if baby would come to her, saying that she could give me a break - it was obvious to me that he didn't want to be held by anyone EXCEPT mumma at that point - but this person persisted and then seem confused when he didn't like "flying".

There are also those people (all strangers) who think it's okay to touch baby, on the cheeks and chin, or stroke an arm or foot.  These approaches generally get a wide-eyed stare from baby.  And no wonder!  If the checkout chick reached out and stroked my cheek without asking, I'd be a bit weirded out too.

You might think that asking a baby if they'd like to be held by you is hippy claptrap, but next time you'd like to hold a baby, just ask her and wait - the answer will be fairly obvious.

Zzzzzzzz

Sleep.  As I've said before, it's the Holy Grail of motherhood.  The characteristics of the Holy Grail (as described by Wikipedia) and sleep during early parenthood are remarkably similar:

• a sacred object figuring in literature and certain Christian traditions
• said to possess miraculous powers
• something of a myth or legend
• those in its presence must prove themselves worthy
• ownership has been attributed to various groups
• has had many books written about it, and movies based on it
• still something of a mystery even to experts, though belief in it and interest in its whereabouts have never ceased.

Whether your baby falls asleep the moment you put him down may or may not depend on:

• all those obvious things like whether he's been recently fed, changed or burped (and is satisfied with your performance in these things)
• his mood and state of tiredness (has he crossed that invisible line into overtiredness?) 
• where you're putting him down
• how you hold your mouth
• the background music and lighting
• the feng shui of the nursery
• whether you put baby down on his back, front or side
• the moon
• the alignment of the stars.

However you finally manage it, getting your baby to sleep will probably be your greatest daily achievement.  

It is also on the top five list of things discussed at mothers' coffee mornings, and probably topping the list of conversation topics most likely to make you want to do some harm to the gloating mother sitting next to you.

A little Tui ad I put together:

Is yours a contented little baby?

Ahh, "The Contented Little Baby", seemingly one of the most controversial parenting books of the last decade, and, if you've read it, it's either your bible or the devil's work.  Even if you haven't read it you've probably got an opinion on it.

Ok so I'll admit to having read it, when, after six weeks of at least 2 feeds a night, I was looking for that Holy Grail of motherhood - sleep (more on this later).  I also wanted to be able to have an informed opinion on it when the heated debates at coffee group started.

So I opened its pages with interest, and skim read to the part that related to the routines of a six week old.  In the opening paragraph of this section was a sentence which went along the lines of "If your baby is over 4kg, he should be sleeping through to 7am from his last feed at 10pm."  Umm, what if your baby was over 4kgs at birth?  I looked for the answer but found none.  My heart fell as I realised this book would not be the panacea I was looking for.

That sums up my experience of The Contented Little Baby.  It raised more questions for me than it answered, and there was no indication on what to do if your baby didn't follow the routines set out in the book.  If baby wakes after only an hour of a two-hour nap, are you supposed to try and get him back to sleep?  What if he feeds for only 10 minutes and refuses more?  And what if I'm too exhausted to give him his evening bath?  Will the baby implode?

On days when he did follow the prescribed routine, I felt like a total supermum (and just a little but haughty), and on days when he didn't (and these were more common), I felt a bit inadequate.

I'll admit, however, that the book contained some useful information, and I can see that it would be great for ideas for parents who are really lost and struggling.  Reading it helped me realise that I'm not.

The best contraception

At one of my last midwife visits, she raised the whole contraception thing, reminding me that while breastfeeding does provide some protection, it is possible to get pregnant before you get your period back.  I smiled politely at her and said I'd read the brochure.  Inside I was screaming "ARE YOU KIDDING?!!! I'M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!!!"  I agreed to let her prescribe me some condoms.

Baby on Board

I always swore I'd never have one of those ridiculous Baby on Board signs on my car.  I mean, why tell the world you're carrying such precious cargo?  And why would said world care?

But now I do.  And when I see another car with a Baby on Board sign, I give it a wide berth, since I know it means:
(a) driver is likely to be suffering from extreme fatigue
(b) driver may swerve wildly while trying to crane neck into The Exorcist position to view baby
(c) driver may do bunnyhops at traffic lights to keep the car moving so as not to wake baby
(d) all of the above.