Are you "mom enough" for these weird toddler nursing positions?

I know you've all (all 6 of you, that is) been waiting for me to blog about this Time Magazine article:

Let's start by noting that this is a good example of the sensationalist schmaltz Time has been lowered to lately.  But hey, it got headlines and probably sold a few extra copies - so I guess it achieved its goal.

By all accounts (and there are many) the article is not much better.  In case you're wondering, it's about this weird thing that some strange "moms" seem to be doing called "attachment parenting".  And if you're totally green and wondering what "attachment parenting" is, it's a term invented by a man named Dr Sears for a parenting philosophy that suggests that if you are physically and emotionally available to your baby, the baby will form a secure attachment with you.  Well duh!  Except that the term has also become shorthand for more natural or alternative baby-raising-styles, including practices such as bed-sharing, baby-wearing and "extended" breast-feeding.  I hate to use the word "extended" like that - like somehow you've unnaturally managed to "extend" your breast-feeding career contract.  It's just breast-feeding, no matter how long it goes on for.

I digress.  Back to the cover photo.  My first reaction?  Huh, that's an interesting breastfeeding position.  I wonder if I have a milk crate about the right height at home?  I could cook dinner and breast-feed at the same time!

Anyone who has breastfed a milk-addicted toddler has had these thoughts.  Toddlers don't give a rats where you are or what you're doing, they just want the milk RIGHT NOW!  And if you've been clever enough to teach them a cuss-word or two, they might say RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT!!

We've all seen these lovely diagrams with sleepy, milkdrunk newborns, nursing all quietly.

I thought I'd draw a few of my own that were more relevant to where Milkbaby is at in his "breast-feeding journey" (featuring Jamie Lynn Grumet's new one).

Toddler Nursing Positions:

Give them a go sometime.  But be careful, your toddler might get all attached to you or something.  And not just by your nipple.